Joy of Cooking
by thefollyofmolly
Summary: [ONESHOT AU] I admit it, I like Axel. A whole lot. But, I can't just go around screaming to the world, so how am I supposed to say those three simple words? 'I love you' [RoxasAxel slight SoraRiku]


**Joy of Cooking  
Oneshot  
Fanfic Rating **T – language **  
Disclaimer **Kingdom Hearts © Square Enix & Disney & The Joy Of Cooking © someonewhoisntPrettyRainbow  
**A/N **Plot bunnies were breeding for me today, so I just had to get it down. Forever Lullaby fans, I will be updating soon! No worries!

**0.o.0**

Love. It's hard to explain, and so hard to make sense of. Every time he's around, I feel like repeatedly stabbing something, _anything_, yet, every time he's gone, there's this empty feeling gnawing at my gut. It's so hard to look away, and yet I know if I don't, I will be admitting my worst fears. I can't be attracted to another guy, it's just not natural. Like any other guy, I like girls, a lot. Especially when looking at them, but those girls are just eye-candy, a pretty picture. When I look at him, I feel my stomach twist and my heart escalate to my throat. He burns with a passion, a furious passion that seems so hard to tame, and yet, with just one look, I can douse the fire. Sometimes, it helps a headache, but it also makes me feel as if I shouldn't exist in his life. I kill his excitement, his fun. Why would he want a person like me around?

**0.o.0**

Axel looks at me, his bright green eyes sparkling. I stare down at my food, trying my best to ignore him, to no avail. He grins and gives one of his lighthearted laughs, waving to his friends and sitting next to me. I sit alone now, since Sora and Riku got together. They went off in the school courtyard doing God-knows-what. Now it was just me and my lonesome, unless Axel dared to sit next to me. I was usually pretty peeved around lunchtime, being ditched by my friends and all, and if he made any slip up, I could not be held responsible for any bodily harm.

He came, though. Everyday he sat next to me, jabbering on about how Demyx ran into a pole again today or how Mr. Mansex – in other words, our Algebra II teacher, Mr. Xemnas – had gone ballistic on everyone because his girlfriend broke up with him for being creepy. I'd sit there – eating like a cow, with Axel wondering out loud why I wasn't _looking _like a cow – listening. Just listening.

"So anyway, I'm like 'Okay, Mansex, you should swing to the otherside. We enjoy creepy things.'." Axel flicked his black, scratched up lighter, watching the flame flicker while he spoke, "Don't you agree, Rox?"

"I wouldn't know." I tossed my food in the garbage, settling myself with catching the tab of my Mountain Dew under a black fingernail, then releasing and listening to the _twang _that followed. "You do realize that I'm straight, right?"

"Man, I was kind of hoping you'd agree." Axel propped his foot on the seat, resting his chin on a knobby knee. I finally opened my soda, chugging it down. "You should consider it."

"No thanks." I replied, feeling a little irate with the direction our conversation was going. Sometimes I wished that he'd stop talking about his sexuality, or making random comments on how 'adorable' I was, even when I gave him a bloody nose. I wasn't even too sure on being straight, but I hoped it would at least get him to shut up. Sadly, it only provoked him further. "Do you wanna come play videogames after school?" I used to play Riku and Sora all the time, although Sora sucked and Riku beat me into a bloody pulp, figuratively speaking. Axel and I were about evenly matched, which made it a lot more fun.

"Sure thing!" Axel said enthusiastically.

"Great." I said unenthusiastically.

**0.o.0 **

"AXEL RULES! AXEL RULES!" Said Axel jumped from his seat, doing an awkward victory dance, then plopped down on the purple beanie bag. I rolled my eyes, starting up the racing game again. I won the second time, simply smiling. Axel glared at me, determined that I had cheated. I resisted pointing out that it was only a game, not wanting to ruin his competitive spirit. Sighing heavily, I let him win the second time, and, having learned to tune out his victory dances successfully, tossed the controller to the side. "Hey, are you givin' up so easily?" Axel daunted.

"Yes." I rolled my eyes, again, and pulled out a magazine from an uneven stack of books, fingering through the thin pages. I had made it a point to rush home with Axel, lock the door before he could come in, and mess up the place. Somehow, it made me feel manlier, though the mess was obviously deliberate. Then again, Axel was one of the most unobservant people I'd ever met.

"Do you have any gay magsssss?" Axel whined, tossing my books and magazines aside. I twitched, knowing I'd need to clean that up later. "Whoa, what's this?" He waved a black covered magazine in the air, and I stared at it stupidly.

"Shit." I cursed, realizing that it was Playboy. I pulled it away and tossed it in the trash. "Hayner must've forgotten to take it home." I'd have to punch Hayner the next time I saw him, which wouldn't be for awhile. I only got to visit Twilight Town once a year at the most.

"Hah, suuure." Axel picked out a cookbook, pointing to random pictures that looked like good food, mostly Mexican stuff. I wasn't all that interested in cooking; it was just stuff that I could show to my mom whenever she didn't have any inspiration for dinner. "We should cook something."

"And burn the whole house down? No thanks." I sat up in bed, fluffing the pillows before falling back on them. I continued to mindlessly flip through the magazine, the afternoon sun shining on various motorcycle and Axe ads.

"C'mon, Rox! It'll be funnn!" Axel leaned down at the bed, giving me the puppy dog face that he must've picked up from Sora. I heaved a groan, but, nonetheless, slowly pulled myself out of bed, making sure to 'accidentally' kick Axel in the face, and made for the door. Axel followed me down the hall like a lost puppy, wrapping his arms around my neck in a dorky lovey-dovey kind of way. I didn't toss them off, I felt too exhausted after school to waste my energy on stupid things like that.

Just before passing through the swing doors leading to the kitchen, I scuffed my foot on…air, and, yelping stupidly, stumbled over with Axel falling after me. We hit the ground with a big _THUD_, limbs entangled painfully. I slowly turned around, checking for any broken bones, and shoved Axel off of me, who was surprisingly heavy for such a skinny guy. "The hell…" I muttered to myself, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him to his feet.

"That was psychedelic, man." Axel looked a little too dazed and I blocked the cutlery carefully, just incase he started having some kind of seizure. A few moments passed, with Axel still looking around with wonder, before he finally gained his composure. "So, what to cook!" He tossed the cookbook on the marble tables, flipping through recipes before he jabbed his finger at one. "Lookey, Rox, lookey!"

"Enchiladas." I stated dully, "That's our big project?"

"C'mon, they're not _that _easy!" Axel whined, gesturing to the long recipe.

"We might as well make Top Ramen." I yanked open the pantry door, pulling out a crackly package. My stomach growled at the idea – it was getting too close to dinner for me to have any patience cooking.

"Roxxxxxxxxx!" Axel snatched the ramen from my hands, and I growled menacingly. "Don't be like that! Ramen's much too easy."

"Fine, fine!" I replaced the package, looking to the cookbook instead, "I think we have all the ingredients, so no need to go to the store…" Axel rummaged through the shelves and pulled out the listed ingredients, "Step one for Chicken Enchilads, preheat oven at 135 degrees," Axel chimed in a happy 'CHECK!', and I continued, "Medium, non-stick skillet…" I muttered, starting to look for one before Axel enthusiastically handed it over. "Thanks."

I continued reading off the directions with Axel voluntarily handing over everything and doing the work. After getting into the swing of things, I was starting to enjoy it. In fact, I actually joined in with Axel's Disney Sing Along CD, which he insisted we listen to because it 'induced the magic of cooking'.

Once we got the ingredients good and ready, we rolled them into the sauce-covered tortillas, laughing when some of the red stuff sputtered from the overheated chicken. Axel stuck his finger into the sauce, sucking on it in a deliberately slow fashion.

"Try some, it's good!" Axel stuck the same finger in the clear cooking pan, then held it in front of my mouth. I made a disgruntled face, giving him enough time to shove it between my lips. I was about to bite down when I noticed that it _did _taste good, even with being mixed with Axel's saliva. I sucked vaguely on his finger, even after the tasty liquid was gone, then realized what I was doing and spun around, clasping the pan and smugly ordering him to open the oven for me. He obliged, wearing a stupid grin, and I shoved it in, slamming the oven door open and seating promptly at one of our kitchen stools.

"Was it gooood?" He inquired, sitting next to me bothersomely close. I could feel his body's heat, exuding like a fire. "I made it myself."

"Oh, really?" I said in the most sarcastic way possible, "I thought it was _store _bought. Tasted unauthentic like store crap."

"So was it my _finger _that you were enjoying so much?" He lifted a stubby red eyebrow, laughing when I groaned/screamed in frustration. "You _bashful_, Rox?" I turned red, answering him by turning completely around. He snorted, lowering his head and pressing his mouth on my somewhat exposed shoulder. I took in a deep, shuttering breath, and before I could slap him, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me close. A coy smile was spread on his lips, but his eyes were sparkling with a pleading question. I swallowed tightly, turning my face away from his. A second passed, and he let go, muttering a swift apology.

**0.o.0 **

Outside the windowpane, the warm, spring night slowly transformed into a bright, showy sunset. Pastel colors streaked the sky, and thin rays of light flowed from the horizon, passing under and over smeared, fluffy pink clouds. I glanced away from the sickeningly cheerful sight, and to Axel, who had remained strangely quiet for the past twenty minutes.

"…uhm…hi." I waved a little at him, frowning when he didn't return the gesture. His head inclined up in a sign of greeting, though he refused to look at me. "Look, I'm sorry…" I held my breath, waiting for a lashing. The sides of Axel's lips formed into a humorless smirk, and he when looked at me with such a hurt expression, I felt a pang of guilt.

"Why're you sorry?" He asked, his voice containing the reminiscent of teasing, though it sounded more disappointed that anything else. "Just…nevermind…I get it."

"Get what?" I asked, looking at him with a surprised expression. I looked his face over, trying to figure what he was getting at. The teardrops tattooed on his face were drooping more than normal, tugged down with his lips.

"You don't…" He trailed off, seeming not to understand what he was getting at either. "You don't like me very much."

My brows furrowed in confusion, of course I liked him. I wouldn't be his friend otherwise…even though I wasn't the best friend in the world, I still liked him as a person. He annoyed the hell out of me sometimes, sure, but so did Sora, and even Riku. I just had an odd way of showing my affection…

"I can go and get my stuff, if you want." Axel started to get up, and I was too shocked to stop him. "It'd be great if you could save some enchiladas for me tomorrow…"

"No, wait!" I cried, almost desperately. Axel stopped in his tracks, tossing his head over his shoulder questioningly. "I mean…I like you…"

Hope sparked in his eyes, but he didn't say anything, just looked at me. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, whistling lowly. He shook his head and started to walk off, not saying another word. "AXEL!" I rushed after him, even though I knew I was acting completely rash and stupid. "Wait a sec…would you?"

"Roxas…" Axel turned around, his eyes closed. For the first time, he looked tired, horribly tired. It was my turn to halt, and almost topple into him. "I can't handle this…" He leaned against the wall, folding his arms and crossing one leg over the other. "I can't handle being your friend and nothing else." He opened his eyes, lowering his head as if expecting to be hit.

My jaw dropped. It never occurred to me that Axel felt _that _way, I just thought that he was like that with every guy, because of hormones and everything…but I never thought it _meant _anything. "You mean…you…?"

"Yeah, I really do." Axel started for the door again, but I grasped his forearm. He turned his head towards me, and my train of thought came to a lurching halt, then crashed and burned. "We can't be friends." My heart dropped.

"…but."

"I'm going to go now."

"You can't!"

"Why _not_?"

"Because I…I…"

"_Love_ me? That's _priceless_!"

"Shut up!"

"Gladly."

Silence.

I took a couple steps back, hands clenched at my sides. I glared at my shoes, expecting to get up and take me to Axel, to somehow help me explain what I felt. How could I, though? I wouldn't, _couldn't _like him that way, if kids at school found out…I was shaking, holding back tears. Just like Sora and Riku, he was leaving me, but this was for real. This was purposeful abandonment. I felt a little disowned, and a whole lot unloved.

"Are you going yet?" I choked out, wincing at how high pitched and pathetic I sounded. He didn't budge, didn't make a sound. Only his breath broke the silence. I lapsed into my own frozen dignity, hoping he'd leave so I could let myself cry myself to an emo sleep. My throat constricted painfully. "_Go_." At that, the oven dinged in a cheery kind of way. Axel passed by, his shoulder brushing vaguely against mine. I kept my eyes glued to my shoes, but I couldn't resist looking behind out of sheer curiosity. Axel was pulling on cooking gloves, flexing his fingers under the thick wool. He pulled out the pan, quickly placing on the counter. I watched him, transfixed, as he took out two plates and a spatula. Just before serving some of it on the plates, he paused, and then turned on the long forgotten CD, humming along with _Part Of Your World._

"Want some?" He handed over the plate and silverware before I could answer, pulling out a seat for me at the table. I stared, glued to the floor. "Don't wait for me." He gave me a little shove, and I sat at the table, poking the enchilada. "Try it, Rox!" I squinted, looking for any poisons he might've slipped in. I gave up and took a bite, smacking my lips. It tasted _amazing_.

"It's good…" My voice was returning to normal, but it sounded hollow and weak. Axel didn't seem to notice, because he sat next to me with a brilliant smile. He took a bite and_ mmmmn_ed happily. "Is this the last time we eat together?"

"Wadyamea?" He asked through his food, sputtering some in the process.

"Don't you, like, _hate _me?"

"I could never hate 'ya, Rox!"

"Then what the _hell _was your little episode about?"

"What're you talkin' 'bout?"

"God, fucking bipolar…" I pushed my cleared plate aside, leaning back. The strong, spicey taste lingered in my mouth, and burned in my chest. I let out a bloated, satisfied sort of sigh, relaxing in the reassuring facts of food. Food was reassuring, always the same, and when it changed, it was for good, not like Axel. I decided to let what had just happen slide, at least, until he was ready to talk about it.

"Hey…Roxas…" My full name, this couldn't be good.

"Yeah?"

"About earlier…"

"Can we not talk about it?"

"I'm sorry…"

"Whatever." I turned my head away, the same feelings of hurt smacking me in the face. "It's not a big deal or anything, I don't like having friends."

"Really…?"

"I just like being alone."

"Should I leave you alone, then?"

"Stop being so damn overdramatic."

"_I'm not dramatic!"_ Axel practically squealed, his hands flailing in the air in a very dramatic manner. I shrugged, reaching out for a toothpick to get that lodged piece of meat, but his hand clasped on my wrist. "I LO-…LIKE YOU, ROXAS! A LOT!"

"Did you drug dinner?" I growled, smacking his hand away. "I don't like you, and if you keep having declarations of love and hate, I'll like you even less."

"_Why_?" Axel folded his arms, dejected.

I turned on him, forgetting all about my attempts at dental hygiene, and leaned in, pointing a very accusing finger at his chest. "Oh, only that you're _annoying, conceded, stupid,_ and, did I mention _ANNOYING_!"

"Then _WHY _am I over here?" For the second time that night, Axel looked mad, and he pressed into my finger, clasping it in his hand and tossing it aside.

"To get rid of my boredom."

"Hah, this must be how a TV feels."

"Exactly, just there for entertainment, no emotional attachments, _nothing_ like that." I leaned back into my chair, turning my head away for him. I couldn't comprehend why my head was hurting so much, or my blood was rushing so fast. I closed my eyes, willing for the pounding in my head to fade away. It didn't, only continued to pound harder and harder, screaming at me for being so snappish. But I'd been wanting to tell Axel, along with other things, this for so long that I would've exploded if I didn't…but I could still feel an inner bomb ticking. Unsaid things lingered on the tip of my tongue. "…yet…" I let the word slip, and Axel's cold attention had softened for moment, then froze over again.

"You're such an ass," Axel was shaking his head, licking his lips constantly, "A selfish, cold, _jerk._"

"I've been waiting to hear that." I smiled in spite of myself, already building a wall over my heart. I couldn't handle rejection.

"I remember the first time we met, the first thing you said was, 'Fuck off'…" Axel laughed airily, and I chuckled as though it was a sweet memory we were sharing, like we were an old couple reliving our golden days. "I think I fell in love that day."

I snapped my head to him, my eyes growing wide like a fish. He was looking out the window, a thin smile on his face. I noticed his eyes were wet and slightly red. He'd been _crying_, and I hadn't even cared enough to discern it. "_Love_?"

"Idiotic, isn't it? Falling in love with someone like you."

"…"

"You may think you're the smartest kid on the planet, but you don't know a thing."

"The door's open."

"I'm not leaving."

"If you won't, I _will._" I stood up, resisting the urge to run up to my room and burst into tears. I kept convincing myself that I didn't care what he said about me, or about how much they kept jabbing into my head, mocking me. I covered my face with my hands, pathetically trying to hide the single tear that trickled down my cheek.

"What're you waiting for?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" I hollered at the top of my lungs, lifting my head to the sky. I tilted my head to the ceiling, letting liquid poor to the floor. I barely registered it, though, only Axel's hand clasping softly over mine. I let him do it, even when he dragged me from my seat and into his warm body. "I wish I could understand everything, but I can't. I don't know."

"Just…shut up." Axel whispered, his lips brushing my ear. "Please." I closed my eyes, nodding. We lapsed into silence, his hand comfortingly running in circles along my back. I felt myself falling asleep, until he spoke, his forehead moving against mine, "Do you hate me?"

"I wish I did, it'd be a lot easier that way." I wondered if it really would. My heart jumped every time I saw him, every time we conversed in long, happy conversations that soothed my normally hectic life. If I hated him, would it be different?

"When I'm in bed at night, right before I fall asleep, I wish I did too," Axel sighed, his soothing breath spilling over my skin – my senses tingled. "to make the pain go away, but I just cry. It helps."

"I can't imagine why you would…how can you _deal _with me?"

"I wouldn't be able to deal with life without you."

I looked up at him, my breath hitching when our noses touched. I lowered my head, smuggling it in his chest. "Same here…don't ever leave me…"

"I thought you liked to be alone." "I do…but the silence can be deafening." I lifted my head again, my gaze meeting his. I instinctively glanced at his lips, noting that they were lifted in a soft smile. I let my eyes fluttered closed, my head falling to the side. I leaned in closer, feeling the sudden want to be with him, to touch him…

"Roxas, wait." Axel lightly pushed me away, and I opened my eyes into tiny, disappointed slits. "I need to know…I need…to know how you feel."

"I…like you…love you…" I used the term carefully, hoping that was the word to describe how I felt, "Everything…everything about you, even if you are annoying… it's sort of endearing."

Axel tucked his hand under my neck, and the world seemed to slowly dissipate into a whimsical darkness, a comforting cold that sent burning shivers along my nerves. I leaned in, crooking my head to the side in the way that they do in movies, and brushed my lips along his. They were soft and warm, and suddenly engulfed mine. I squeaked involuntarily, then my shoulders relaxed with a satisfied sort of moan. He slid his tongue along my lips, and I opened my mouth reflexively, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I pressed against him, my hands gripping his shoulders. I pressed my tongue with his, releasing a laugh when he played with mine, then began to a play a game of dominance, ultimately with him coming on top. Suddenly, his mouth left mine – I whined indignantly, then he returned to my jaw line, lining it with light kisses before sinking to my neck. He sucked on my skin, emitting a moan from my lips when he nipped at the mark.

"Sh-should we stop now?" I asked breathlessly. He answered with his hands, running them under my shirt. I arched my back, letting my eyes roll back into my head. I tilted it back, allowing more access to my neck. He licked it playfully, then kissed my chin in assurance as he began pulling the hem of my shirt up my stomach.

Mindlessly, I started unbuttoning his pants, my fingers clumsily playing with his zipper. He stopped suddenly, dropping my shirt before he pulled my hands above my head. He tucked his head into my neck, making me squirm with impatience, as he caught his breath.

"I…I lost myself, Rox," Axel said apologetically, standing up. I jumped up as well, pressing against him before he turned away. I slid my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek into his shoulder. "Rox…?"

"Mmm, don't go." I muttered, humming tunelessly when he wrapped his arms around my back.

"I'll be with you forever."

"Promise?"

"Double cross my heart."

"I love you, Axel."

**0.o.0 **

Ah, yes, the _drama_! I felt like overloading something with it, and also with cheesy-ness. Cheese ownz, and you know it! –gringrin-

Dude. You, reader, should…-whispers-…_review_.


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